1. Trying to gain and lose something. I think I get this. It's more that I don't know if the divine relationship I once had is over and done with or if it can be repaired. Most diviners have said it is gone and was always meant to end (against my former understanding of the situation), a few have said otherwise. Of course if it is over, I'm locked up for reasons of having no clue where to go without that anchor point.
2. When I say my divinations don't work, I mean I ask whether or not I should do a thing, a get glowing response and the thing immediately doesn't work.
3. She is a non romantic partner I've lived with for long enough to be something like family.
4. It's true though. I'm on disability, rarely leave my apartment, have lived in a city for seven years where I know no one, shunned social media since its inception, speak to family so rarely they leave no impact, and JMG's various spots are the only places I frequent online where other people are actively talking and I don't participate much myself. Does that qualify me as a recluse? I do hope so, I try ever so hard. :)
Seriously though, the only people I've spoken to other than the one I live with all year are in situations like this, I take up their services seeking help, they do what they can and I never speak to them again. The only person I can think of who might've been pissed enough at me to try something was a long time ago, and I don't think she'd have been capable of much anyway. I don't think it refers to a person, there just isn't anyone.
What exactly does Colled mean? I know nothing about this system of divination.
5. I was thinking things never get finished, rather than finished too fast.
6. Yes, ecosophia. It kind of is the only option. Is it possible that is also creating the crossed condition and conflicted will?
7. Current spiritual practice, right now nothing. Because I don't know what to do or where to point my effort. Compulsively jumping from one pantheon to another for the last few years was just mentally tiring, I recognize that as something not to do. I lost that old anchor point and I don't know where else to go (and can not just choose another pantheon. Literally can not. I perfectly understand why, it's one of those trauma based rewirings that can only be endured for the remainder of this lifetime). I've tried banishing rituals many, many times now. I don't seem to connect well with the SoP and it's far to weak to use deity free; LBRP options require deities, the generic polytheistic one requires a patron.
It's not much now, but bear in mind I tried for years. I threw everything and the kitchen sink into it. Tried multiple directions. It was chaotic and accomplished nothing. I've become aware of the danger of self deception (perhaps too aware, at a certain point how do you know any of it is real?) so I'm trying not to restart that cycle again. Doing nothing doesn't help, but action didn't seem to either.
Apologize for long rambling comment. Thanks again.
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Date: 2022-11-24 05:08 pm (UTC)2. When I say my divinations don't work, I mean I ask whether or not I should do a thing, a get glowing response and the thing immediately doesn't work.
3. She is a non romantic partner I've lived with for long enough to be something like family.
4. It's true though. I'm on disability, rarely leave my apartment, have lived in a city for seven years where I know no one, shunned social media since its inception, speak to family so rarely they leave no impact, and JMG's various spots are the only places I frequent online where other people are actively talking and I don't participate much myself. Does that qualify me as a recluse? I do hope so, I try ever so hard. :)
Seriously though, the only people I've spoken to other than the one I live with all year are in situations like this, I take up their services seeking help, they do what they can and I never speak to them again. The only person I can think of who might've been pissed enough at me to try something was a long time ago, and I don't think she'd have been capable of much anyway. I don't think it refers to a person, there just isn't anyone.
What exactly does Colled mean? I know nothing about this system of divination.
5. I was thinking things never get finished, rather than finished too fast.
6. Yes, ecosophia. It kind of is the only option. Is it possible that is also creating the crossed condition and conflicted will?
7. Current spiritual practice, right now nothing. Because I don't know what to do or where to point my effort. Compulsively jumping from one pantheon to another for the last few years was just mentally tiring, I recognize that as something not to do. I lost that old anchor point and I don't know where else to go (and can not just choose another pantheon. Literally can not. I perfectly understand why, it's one of those trauma based rewirings that can only be endured for the remainder of this lifetime). I've tried banishing rituals many, many times now. I don't seem to connect well with the SoP and it's far to weak to use deity free; LBRP options require deities, the generic polytheistic one requires a patron.
It's not much now, but bear in mind I tried for years. I threw everything and the kitchen sink into it. Tried multiple directions. It was chaotic and accomplished nothing. I've become aware of the danger of self deception (perhaps too aware, at a certain point how do you know any of it is real?) so I'm trying not to restart that cycle again. Doing nothing doesn't help, but action didn't seem to either.
Apologize for long rambling comment. Thanks again.